I was recently contacted by a submissive who was experiencing a crash, a dark mood, a drop, after spending time with her Dominant.
Having never found myself in this state, it gave me pause. I have certainly felt drained and spent, but never gloomy or depressed. My first thought, probably inaccurate, was that it might be related to regret, or the “what’s wrong with me that I like this?” syndrome, which many of us have endured before accepting what we are and embracing our uniqueness.
This submissive then informed me that the she had ended that relationship, and has suffered no such plague with her new Dom. What was the difference?
Apparently Dom #1 had little time for her, but could that have been the only reason?
The intense vulnerability and exposure realized in a night of erotic delights, creates an intense vulnerability and exposure for the submissive, leaving her open to a myriad of emotions. As many of us are aware, a Dominant’s role is not exclusively that of being Master of pleasure and pain, but providing the all-important loving care during the precious minutes and hours that follow.
I have read that Dominant’s too, have ‘aftercare’ issues, but for obvious reasons I cannot address these, though I am very interested in hearing from Dominants and hearing their thoughts.
Obviously a submissive’s emotional health is of paramount importance, and the ‘aftercare’ is an essential part of the overall dynamic. This must be somewhat challenging for the caring Dominant. Every submissive has her unique ‘aftercare’ needs, and in my view, this is where a submissive must take some control and communicate what those are. Many times we expect our Doms to be psychic, and they often are, but perhaps this is an area that is too important to leave to chance.
Finding that Romantic Dominant, the one who ‘hears’ us, who ‘gets’ us, with whom feel protected and safe, is a treasure, a sublime gift, one that must be cherished and nurtured, and never, ever taken for granted. Providing that Dominant with the tools he needs to properly care for us is an integral part of our role as His chosen one..
https://www.Amazon.com/author/maggiecarpenter
It’s a really common reaction as dopamine levels drop after being at an increased state for a while. Good aftercare: lots of brisk, open handed rubbing of her skin with your full palm. Gradually get slower and she relaxes. Try it, it might work.
Thank you, Hipster. This will be useful information for some I’m sure.
I think aftercare is what separates the men from the boys when it comes to a Dominant. Many a man is skilled at seduction, pleasure, and control. It takes another level of seriousness, commitment, maturity, and unselfishness to focus on teh well-being of a submissive after His pleasure has been sated. I have been blessed in that I have had Someone who is just as focused on me after the orgasms are over as He was before and during.
Sharron – I’m soooo happy for you (and a bit jealous of course). Yes, it is a blessing. Absolutely.
My Dom is great at taking care of me afterwards. He knows that at times I need little and other times I need a lot. The caveat comes that sometimes when we part a few days later I start to feel tired and “down”. Even though it rarely happens when it does it sucks. I am just blessed that I am able to talk to him and he is able to recognize my moods from far away and we can make my drop better. I say both because as you know we both need to be involved in order to make things better.
xoxox
Yes, both, for sure. I have had a long-distance D/s relationship, and I found the high’s to be higher, and the low’s to be lower. I think it’s tough, but you and CJ seem to have found a way to make it work, and that’s great!
Maggie,
I thought about this one, and I’m not sure I came up with a clear answer either way. I am a little odd in that I LOVE aftercare … but I’m also the kind of guy who loves taking care of her when she’s sick. I don’t know. I’ve never understood it fully, but I think it’s that “being needed” thing. I think most men need to be needed — whether it’s to fix the car, protect the family, or to help his submissive come down from her high following an intense session.
I think — for me, at least — it feeds into that same need. You mentioned that Doms have their own needs vis-a-vis aftercare. I think for me, it’s simply being available, tending to her needs that fulfills my own. There is a quiet, sweet satisfaction in taking care of her, staying with her as her post-high lassitude takes hold, watching her drift off to sleep as you stroke her hair. I don’t think there’s anything quite like that experience.
Contrary to the commonly held myth, men (even Dominant ones) need closeness too, and for me there are few better opportunities to bond with your mate/wife/sub/whatever, than in tending to her aftercare. Well, this comment ran far too long:)
What a marvelous response to my musings, and no, your comment did not run far too long. I’m very grateful that you were kind enough to take the time to write your thoughts.
Your narrative, and the manner in which you describe your needs, is lovely, and any submissive who finds herself the recipient of such devoted attention, is very lucky indeed.