I blogged this some time ago, but a recent discussion on a FB page has compelled me to revisit the topic.
Surrendering to the loving, nurturing control of a Dominant can take many forms. The D/s dynamic shared by two souls is an ever-changing, evolving, living, breathing thing, and each relationship is different, (as is true in the vanilla world), so to criticize Shades of Grey, and suggest that the relationship between the Dominant and the submissive is flawed, or unbelievable, probably isn’t fair but it is how I see it.
In my humble opinion, the connection between the characters in 9-1/2 Weeks is far more indicative of a D/s affair, than Shades. I worry that the enormous popularity of the book sends to the world a mistaken identity, a mis-characterization of the delicious dance between a Dominant and his submissive.
The film Secretary was compelling, and though it involved a Dominant who was commitment phobic, and a young woman who had psychological issues, at least its saving grace was the tremendous surrender displayed by both at the end.
Shades of Grey has no softness, subtlety or warmth, just the sadistic cravings of what appears to be a sociopath, and the inability of a virginal lass who doesn’t see the dangers of becoming involved with a lunatic. The fabulous scene in Weeds offered more of a glimpse into D/s than all the words written in this book
Some may take exception to my views here but they personal. I don’t pretend to be a movie or book critic. I am a submissive who is in love with the joy of surrender, and the many wonderful ways that surrender is experienced. To see it represented in what I perceive is a perverted manner, is disappointing and quite tragic.
If you’ve read my posts you know that it’s the seductive romance of D/s that thrills me. The unexpected invitation, the surprise telephone call, the constant fear, yet desire of discipline. The soft, sensuous, scintillating sensations that a skilled Dominant can spark through my being.
Supplication is spicy sweet, and there is nothing I have found that is comparable…
…nothing that can stop time, nothing that can eliminate stress, nothing that can block out the world, nothing sends erotic heat through my core like the blindfold wrapping around my eyes, or the hot hands slapping my skin, or the powerful sweetness of a Dominant’s arms.
There are many books, well-written books, that explore and reveal this beauty. Fifty Shades is not one of them.
When will the world embrace the light D/s has to offer?
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I really appreciate how you point out the subtly lacking from FSoG. That and the fact that, to me, what Grey does (yes, I’ve read all 3 books, I pushed myself through them, even as my Master hated the venting they brought me to) more closely fits the textbook definition of an abusive significant other and just tries to put D/s terms on it.
Thank you, yes, exactly. Well said. I don’t know how you managed to read all three. I couldn’t get through the first.
I agree that the story has an abusive edge at some parts, Christian Grey believes himself to be a sadist, after all. But no D/s arrangement is ever made between him and Ana. It’s specifically that compromise that ends up keeping them together. She wants the kink without the labels. He just wants to be with her. In the second book, He tries to put away his dominant self in order to have her…That is my interpretation, at least.
Thanks for reading, and the comment. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
I thought the books were much more a theme of an adult survivor of child abuse than a D/s relationship. Anastasia is much more in control of herself and the dynamic of their relationship than he is. He would (and they) benefit from some real counseling!
Well Said!
I thought the books were cute. I’m not so sure this trilogy belongs in the BDSM Genre, but in my experience BDSM can mean something just a bit different to each of us who enjoy those elements. Although many submissive’s out there do have a lot in common, If you asked 20 of them to tell you what submission is… each would tell you something just a bit different.
You ask 20 dominant males what dominance is… you’ll still get a variety of opinions. Put an age factor in there and you’ll really get some difference of opinions about what BDSM is and isn’t -today!
I recently learned that ‘ssc’ and ‘rack’ are now terms associated with BDSM. I learned this in a discussion with some very passionate people who practice the BDSM lifestyle, 24/7. There was mention in that discussion that more authors need to start touching on safe sane and consensual, and risk-aware consensual kink in their BDSM stories.
As an author, I had to think about that for a while. I decided I don’t really like the idea. Why? Because for me, as an adult. Who writes about adult characters in my books, does not want to be tearing open prophylactics, or having the dom check for consent before he puts a ball gag into the sub’s mouth in my stories. They’re fiction titles for a reason. I want to tickle a readers imagination, and pull them into the fantasy I’m sharing with them, not warn them ahead of time and ask for permission.
I’m glad that James got the recognition that she did from the NYT. I’m glad that her book went bizerko and was labeled BDSM. It’s brought the genre more into the light. It got women and men alike curious about the genre, which means they’re going to looking for other books. Some of those books could mine, or yours! And those who have read James, vision of BDSM might be shocked, thrilled or fascinated by how someone else coveys it. Either way, it has people looking for more and that’s always a good thing for everyone.
So we agree to disagree about the books, though to a limited degree, I appreciate the light that has been shed on this genre.
Greetings! Very hdlpful advice in this particular article!
It is the little changes that make the largest changes. Thanks
a lot foor sharing!
Thank you, Damion. I appreciate you stopping by my blog and leaving me your thoughts. I hope you’ll come again.
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