My Goodness Me! I Must Vent
Recently I joined a vanilla dating site – a rather famous one – thinking (perhaps foolishly) that I might find a Dominant lurking in the halls, disguised as I was, looking for the tell tale word or phrase that would alert a like minded soul. For many reasons I withheld my photograph, not the least of which is the privacy issue having once exposed my ‘kink’, but promising to send one should the communication deem it.
Over the years I have interacted with Dominants online, and without exception, they have been polite and courteous, demanding nothing from me – including a photograph – until I was ready to offer one.
Men are not so respectful in the vanilla world. They want what they want and if you don’t capitulate immediately, they dismiss with disdain.
This is not after weeks of communication. This is after only a couple of emails. On the few occasions that I felt interested in someone and contacted them, after exposing my submissive self and asking for just a little time to feel comfortable before sending a photograph, each time any delay was unacceptable.
I find it astounding. Am I missing something? Is it about instant gratification – image conscious egos – impatience – or simply a lack of respect? Or am I the one at fault?
Perhaps in the vanilla world it’s all about the image – the look – the arm candy, and perhaps a Dominant is looking for more – the connection – the manner of communication.
I don’t have the answer, but there is something awry when a man (or woman) does not respect another’s privacy, or cannot grant a request as simple as “Please may I ask for just a little more time to get to know you before exposing my identity?”
As frustrated as I am I am glad I am seeking a Dominant and not a vanilla partner. Though my experience in this ‘dating’ world is severely limited, it is becoming abundantly clear that Romantic Dominants have far more patience and general respect than their vanilla counterparts.
Or am I wrong?
Good hunting, Maggie. I know you’ll find the guy you need. I think “Good hunting” is appropriate — you’re hunting, even if it’s in your own submissive way.
Thank you Theo. Both for reading and the encouragement.
It is a rude awakening…..though I sadly encountered the same instant expectation on one D/s site. There are respectful people out there, though. And the ones who are so rude do not deserve you.
Thank you for your comment. It’s interesting to note that you encountered a similar situation on a D/s site. I suppose there are discourteous and impatient people everywhere. May I ask which site to which you are referring? You can email it to me privately if you prefer.
It was a site called fetlife. I do not believe, however, that this person was representative of the site as a whole. I believe he was under the impression that I was too inexperienced to notice the huge red flags. Honestly, I am spoiled because of the way I met my first Sir….it sort of happened “organically.” I think I must not be internet dating saavy enough to navigate the artificial feeling I get from it. 🙂
Thank you. I only know of one D/s personals site and it’s not particularly inviting. Like you I have been very fortunate with the Dominants in my life. My experience on ‘dating sites’ is extremely limited so I can’t really comment too much, and this particular foray will probably be as shortlived as previous attempts.
Artificial – yes. An appropriate description.
Hi Maggie,
Meeting men online can be fun and daunting at the same times quite. It’s great because you can introduce yourself to men from the comfort of your own home. It’s bad because their is a complete lack of physical chemistry and without a picture, you will be passed up pretty quickly. Men are so visual and vanilla online dating is about meeting as many women as possible. Since so many women stretch the truth about their weight and sometimes age, men don’t want to waste time getting to know a pen pal, only to find that she isn’t what she claimed to be (not saying you would be guilty of this). This has happened to me when I was online dating … men that just wanted to correspond for a while and when I finally saw them, they were nothing like their claims.
I’m not saying it’s right or defending any online rudeness. Just trying to give you some context on what the other side is thinking.
Good luck with dating … I find believe that everyone finds a match, given if you follow your heart, respect yourself and dont settle. 🙂
Thank you Ms. Geisha, for such a comprehensive and thoughtful response. I had considered much of what you wrote, but was unaware that the vanilla online dating thing was about quantity. You have given me food for thought. Thank you again. M.