This night, shadowy sadness looms over her
A charcoal cloud lit by an ominous crescent moon
It’s sharp cold sliver the only suggestion of light
As the promise of salty rain is felt in her throat
She wishes she was normal – ‘vanilla’
She would never have known the dizzying heights her curse offers
She would not have felt the hot caress that burned into her soul
Or the depth of connection only the curse can provide
But she would be relieved of the hunger that cannot be satisfied
The ache no aspirin can relieve
She would be spared her feeble and clumsy attempts to safely expose herself
Attempts met with disdain or disbelief or worse – ignored
There would be no looming shadowy sadness
This night she would sleep easily
No frown creasing her brow
No gnawing fear she may never again feel that which she now can only imagine – or remember
But there is no choice
She has the curse – the hunger – the ache – the need
This night, that which she once saw as a blessing and a gift
Is a curse and a burden
I have always said that submission is a double edge sword. Now I am rethinking that and I am not sure if it accurately represents what I am trying to say. Submission is the greatest gift in the world, both to the Dominant and the submissive, but it can be a burden as well when one is not allowed to submit. I know this in my heart.
And it is this of which I wrote – a curse or a blessing? It is both.
At one point, early in my submission I did wish I could be vanilla but as I explored my D/s journey and learned more about myselfI stopped whishing and embraced and accepted who I am.
I don’t view submission as a curse because it is who I am and I can’t change it, much like I can’t change the color of my eyes or my skin or the fact that I am not Caucasian.
Thinking this way has allowed me to be at peace and happy. đŸ™‚