In The Merchant Of Venice, Shakespeare wrote:
Portia:
How all the other passions fleet to air,
As doubtful thoughts, and rash-embraced despair,
And shuddering fear, and green-eyed jealousy! O love,
Be moderate; allay thy ecstasy,
In measure rein thy joy; scant this excess.
I feel too much thy blessing: make it less,
For fear I surfeit.
As long as lovers have loved there has been jealousy, insecurity, doubts and fears.
It’s not easy sometimes, fighting these four foes.
A photograph left in a drawer.
She was just a name but now she has a face. A beautiful face with sparkling eyes.
Am I as pretty? Does He love me as much? Does my body please Him as much as hers once did? Does He think about her much?
Any relationship, D/s or vanilla, can fall victim to these insidious visitors.
How many have moaned under his caress, or cried in joy as his spicy hands lit their skin as he does mine? Will I be enough? Will he need more than I can give?
How do we allay our fears? Stop the gnawing doubts? Conquer the jealousy we feel when we think of the ‘ex’?
Is the answer simply trusting him? Trusting ourselves? Trusting the love we share? Perhaps it’s all three.
None of us wish to appear weak or vulnerable or foolish, but left unchecked these nasty little creatures will gnaw their way through the invisible ropes that bind lovers together as surely as a knife.
I don’t have the answers, but I do believe in Love and Trust and the power these two elements can wield…
… and I would put my faith in the two of them before surrendering to the four foes any day.
I work hard to free myself of jealousy. It’s a terrible emotion and one that can evoke anger (to guard the pain). There is no need for jealousy, but it takes two to realize that and two to maintain a relationship free from jealousy.
There is enough to go around. His cock. My pussy. Whatever.
He has to take the lead though. He has to maintain the appropriate boundaries. That is one part of ego reduction that I don’t understand. Why burn me with the sting of another woman?I want to lick His cum off of her feet. Why use something that turns me on to break me? Why break me at all?
Also, about this business with ex submissives. Maybe he should trust a little more in his current submissive. She just might really like his ex submissive and vice versa. It just seems like, with the right mindset, any jealousy can be turned around.
Love and Trust….so important. And for me, it is not just about trusting Him…it is also about being honest with Him even when it makes me vulnerable: “Sir, I am feeling…unsettled, insecure. I need Your guidance, I need focus.” He never turns me away for being human. I also have to be careful not to indulge my thoughts…be careful what I read, where my fantasies lead me, the temptation to compare myself or my life to others.
Agreed. It’s good to be honest when you are feeling doubts and insecurities. When we decided to go poly, the husband’s first night out almost killed me. Even though I found her and arranged it and even watched her child. It was a hard night for me and the best I could do was be open and honest about it with him. I acknowledged my feelings, because they are normal feelings to feel. Walking around and pretending everything is warm and fuzzy, when it is not, seems so much worse to me, than admitting your insecurities to the man you love.
But he has to be honest about his desires too.
Communication is the key, and hopefully your Dominant will find the right words at the right time to soothe your worries.
Exactly. Our minds – they can be naughty at times – leading us down unwanted paths.
Yes !! Our fears allow our imagination to take us to places that have nothing to do with the truth of things.
I am not usually prone jealousy but has happened.
Trust
Love
And
Open, honest, nonaccusatory communication
Is what’s needed for me to feel good and secure in our relationship and be able to share and play with others. 🙂
Great post.
Glad you enjoyed the post and it proved helpful. It’s always so rewarding to receive feedback like this. Thank you.
You are welcome… 🙂