Which is worse? Not being in a relationship, or being in a relationship with someone who is 1000% vanilla? Is it worth the wait, dismissing the ‘normal’ while waiting for the Dominant who will spank you, and send erotic thrills through your body?
So tough isn’t it, if you start dating someone outside the D/s world? Maybe a friend convinces you to meet someone they think will be “perfect” for you, little knowing that “perfect” in your world, means they come complete with handcuffs and a paddle in their briefcase.
You acquiesce, more out of boredom than anything else, and as you sit across the table, chasing a piece of chicken around your plate, you find his quirky smile and broad shoulders appealing. You go on a second date, hoping and praying he’ll make some kind of subtle comment (you wanna come back to my house and get spanked, you bad girl?– would work just as well as subtle by the way) which of course he doesn’t.
Finally at your door you wait for him to grab you by the back of the head, lock your hair around his fingers, and force you to stare back at him. Why? So he can tease and torment you with the promise you know he’ll keep, in his glorious dark eyes. But, of course instead, you get a chaste, nervous peck on the check. Sigh.
Do you end it then and there, citing whatever excuse comes to mind when he calls you? Or like yours truly, a sweet, unsatisfied submissive, ever hopeful, do you go on a third date, believing that somewhere inside this character lurks the soul of a Dominant just bursting to get out. How long does it take to admit defeat? A few weeks, even months, after attempts at role play have been awkwardly dismissed, or worse, acted out with total and complete confusion by him, and utter frustration for you?
The genuine feelings are there. The companionship, the support, the sweetness are marvelous. But no chili peppers on the pizza. Just tomato sauce and cheese. Yawn! And when he’s gone, vanquished from your orbit like an asteroid hurled back into space, the void is palpable. You miss him. You need his happy chuckle, his common sense and solid sense of morals.
But you need ‘the other’ – the spine tingling, totally engrossing, toe curling ‘other’ – more than you miss him. So you, like me, press on. Really annoying isn’t it, that once the D/s has you in its grip, it has you forever? The addiction is real. There are just no rehab’s to address it.